(and, of course, compiled by that surly misanthropic perennial ne'er-do-well, Admiral Pluto K.)





Okay, Here ya go! A whole bunchalottaheapa quotes accumulated over a lifetime. Some will inspire, some will offend, some are so stoopid you'll be astoundificated. Kind of something for everyone here. From the sublime to the stupid; the sagacious to the incomprehensible; from pellucid to ludicrously abstruse; from philosophy to blasphemy. Yep, we've run the gamut here, folks.
Just deal with it, okay? And remember, there are no refunds on your expectations....

And, please feel free to send us some of your own favourites for inclusion here. We need all the input we can get to make this feature even more despicably comprehensive and absurd. So, send an email and punch 'em in.....

Oh, go ahead; email your fave quotes to Admiral Krozabeeep today at:


"Where the spirit does not work with the hand, there is no art." - Leonardo DaVinci

"it is fully practical to create that which has form in the silence. the noise art makes is usually heard by those whose lives listen to God.
It is not adviseable to cheat that which has no other stake than the deeps and brights of all man."  
- Kenneth Patchen

"Everything is a miracle. It is a miracle that one does not dissolve in one's bath like a lump of sugar!" - Pablo Picasso

"Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk." - the Dalai Lama

" "No time like the now, To remember the future, Before it's too late . . ."
- Cyberhaiku by Lucie Shores

"God is the shortest distance between zero and infinityin either direction."  - Alfred Jarry

"Sages who have abandoned learning come to rest in spontaneity" - Huang Po

"Wheeeeeeee!!! Uh-oh. Aaaaaaiiiiiiiieeeeee! (SPLASH!)" - Icarus

"Every form correctly seen is beautiful" - Goethe

"There is an angel inside me whom I am constantly shocking.” - Jean Cocteau

"I'm an angel in an earth suit." - Gary Busey

"I made myself a snowball
As perfect as could be
I thought I'd keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me
I got it some pajamas
And a pillow for it's head
It ran away sometime last night
But first-
It wet the bed".          - Brian QTN

"Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it." - Buddha

'take the flange-drive out over the square of thumbs while tubing flap tape. Then toward each landmass forward active". - Actual translation found on a box of imported candy.

"All the arts serving human desires and needs are derived from the breath that God sent into the human body" - Hildegard of Bingen

"The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign governments must be reduced, if the nation doesn't want to go bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance". Marcus Tullius Cicero, 55 B.C

"Take my advice, don't listen to me." - Neil Young ("Hippie Dream")

"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple." -- Oscar Wilde

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts."
- Bertrand Russell

"It is difficult to teach a new dog old tricks." -Warren Buffett

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -Clarence Darrow

"Clothes make the man, naked people have little or no influence in society". - Mark Twain

"When I judge my art, I take my painting and put it next to a God made object like a tree or flower. If it clashes, it is not art." - Marc Chagall

"God is a practical joker with unlimited resources." -Wanda Simpson

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Jalal Ud-Din Rumi

"In creating, the only hard thing is to begin; A grass blade's no easier to make than an oak."
- James Russell Lowell

a few from our fave Uncle Albert:

"The important thing is not to stop questioning." Albert Einstein

"I want to know God's thoughts. The rest is just details" .Albert Einstein

"Reality is an illusion, albeit a persistent one." Albert Einstein"

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former" - Albert Einstein

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction". Albert Einstein

"Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love". Albert Einstein

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits". Albert Einstein

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, We make our world".  -  - Buddha

"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell". Aldous Huxley

"Nothing great in politics, poetry, or the arts has ever been achieved by anyone without a melancholic temperament". Aristotle

"Knowledge can only be got in one way, the way of experience; there is no other way to know." - Vivekananda

"I can never give the assurance that one of my laughs will not be preceded or followed by a fart." - Abraham Lincoln

"The map is not the territory." - Alfred Korzbyski

"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo". - H. G. Wells

"Men occasionally stumble on the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened". - Winston Churchill

"An awful lot of people can't see the trees for the forest." - Jack Ridl

"God invented marijuana about 3 minutes before he created the platypus". Jason Bennett

"A painter paints a painting with the same feeling as that with which a criminal commits a crime." - Edgar Degas

"When art becomes illegal only outlaws will be artists..." - Crushproof Tomsen

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised." - Dorothy Parker

"Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens - The Main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away." - John Steinbeck

"The future ain't what it used to be." - Yogi Berra

"The message is that there are known knowns - there are things that we know that we know. There are known unknowns - that is to say, there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns - there are things we do not know we don't know. And each year we discover a few more of those unknown unknowns." - Donald Rumsfeld

"Don't feed the dolphins or they'll poke a hole in your boat next time you go out."' - Tom Waits

"Y'know, it's really not all that difficult. There will be peace when we begin to love our children more than we hate our enemies." Joey D. Croembozah (post-industrial ether bandit at large)

" Writing songs is like capturing birds without killing them. Sometimes you end up with nothing but a mouthful of feathers." - Tom Waits

" I listen, I forget.
I see, I remember.
I do, therefore I understand." - Ancient Chinese Proverb

"Oh, lonesome's a bad place to get crowded into." -Kenneth Patchen

"Only out of deep experience of
love, sweet and bitter, pleasant
and painful, high and low,
heaven and hell,
only out of deep experience of
pain and pleasure
through love does one become aware.
They are needed to make you aware." - Bhagwan Sri Rajneesh

"He who would trade liberty for some temporary security, deserves neither liberty nor security"
- Benjamin Franklin

Telpo's hand selected sentence fragment of the week (from 3-25-07 NYT book section, in a review of 2 new books about leni riefenstahl): "...and the second (book) spends too much of its time weighing sport down with a neoclassic gravitas that feels like being hit over the head with the Parthenon..."

"The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it". - Michelangelo

"The music never goes away even if the people who make it do. that's the whole point of creating something above and beyond yourself, whether it's music or anything else. What I do is to attempt to bring forth the master spirit within us all and exalt that spirit through my music. To me, music is a giving process on the part of the musicians involved, nothing more and certainly nothing less. All the other aspects of the performance or of the music itself are secondary to the presentation of the gift." - Pharoah Sanders

"Returning once more
I read until I must go
The book lies open"      - Cy-Ku by Lucie Shores

"Our greatest need & most difficult achievement is to find meaning in our lives. When we expose our hearts and minds to the fruitful contemplation of life experiences (ours and those of others), we become gifted with an invaluable measure of vision and understanding that can ultimately dazzle the imagination and stir the passions..."  - Bruno Betelheim

"The past is history. The future is a mystery. Every moment is a gift. That's why it's called "The Present"
- Shalidar Kumbaya

"Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes." - Henry David Thoreau

"An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by fullness, not by reception." - Harold Lokes

"The neurotic has problems; the psychotic has solutions." -Thomas Szasz

A Nazi officer meeting Picasso said "So you’re the one who did that", (referring to his painting, Guernica.) "No, you did!" replied Picasso

"Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things." - Edgar Degas

"A drawing is the nervous system made visible." - John Perriault

"Civilization is a transient sickness." - Robinson Jeffers

"The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot." - Salvador Dali

"I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image". - Stephen Hawking

"Few people have the imagination for reality." - Goethe

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him." - Gautama Buddha

"Freedom and highest love must go together, then neither can become a bondage. We can give nothing to God; He gives all to us. He is the Guru of Gurus. Then we find that He is the "Soul of our souls", our very Self. No wonder we love Him, He is the Soul of our souls; whom or what else can we love? We want to be the "steady flame, burning without heat and without smoke". - Vivekananda

"We but half express ourselves, and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

In the 1920s, while barring the teaching of foreign languages, Texas governor Miriam "Ma" Ferguson picked up a Bible and famously declared, "If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it's good enough for Texas."

"Got writer's block? Lower your standards." - William Stafford

"There is nothing worse than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept." - Ansel Adams

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."   - Oscar Levant

"it is fully practical to create that which has form in the silence.
the noise art makes is usually heard by those whose lives listen to God.
It is not adviseable to cheat that which has no other stake than the deeps and brights of all man."
- Kenneth Patchen
(yes..this IS a repeat..but what the heck; it's the best one on the page, non?

"Welcome o life! I go to encounter for the millionth time the reality of experience and to forge in the smithy of my soul the uncreated conscience of my race." - Stephen Daedalus from Joyce's 'Portrait of the Artist As a Young Man'

"one must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star." - Nietzsche

"Our major obligation is not to mistake slogans for solutions." - Gielogo Pensczekrelto

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world. " - Mahatma Ghandi

"You will do foolish things always, but when you do, do them with enthusiasm." - Collette

"Her own mother lived the latter years of her life in the horrible suspicion that electricity was dripping invisibly all over the house" - James Thurber

"Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century."
- Dame Edna Everage

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. - Dave Barry

"To an engineer, good enough means perfect. With an artist, there's no such thing as perfect."
- Alexander Calder

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss

"Be perfectly hopeless, that is the highest state. What is there to hope for? Burst asunder the bonds of hope, stand on your Self, be at rest, never mind what you do, give up all to God, but have no hypocrisy about it." - Vivekananda

"There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel." - Franklin P. Adams

"What we call reality is an agreement that people have arrived at to make life more livable." - Louise Berliawsky Nevelson

"The essence of pleasure is spontaneity." - Germaine Greer

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" - Krishnamurti

"A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats." - Cheldeapa Squiiz

"All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why." - James Thurber

"Love and death are the two great gifts that we pass on, and we usually pass them on unopened"  - Rilke

"Dive deep, O mind, dive deep in the ocean of God's beauty! If you descend to the uttermost depths, there you will find the gem of love."
- Bengali Hymn

"Do everything with so much love in your heart that you would never want to do it any other way."  - Yogi Desai

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks

"Human Dignity has gleamed only now and then and here and there, in lonely splendor, throughout the ages, a hope of the better men, never an achievement of the majority." - James Thurber

"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
- George Carlin

"Seekest thou not treasure or thou mayest have the misfortune to overtake it!" - Don Quixote

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."- Henny Youngman

"We who live in the metallic world must consider the birds, not only the geese and the herons and the hummingbirds, but also the theoretical birds which cruise in our veins, passionate death defying birds which possess us. Because our music and our art originate from the birds. Our great-great-grandparents were birds. The electric currents in our brain are flying lessons. Our thoughts take flight."
  - Peter Schumann - from Bread & Puppets Theater

"Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will certainly find it." - Jules Renard

"a mini-parable: Once a man went to the Wish Fulfilling Tree. Any wish would be answered there. He asked for riches and got them and who knows what else! Then he thought (being out in the jungle and all), "What if a Tiger came and ate me?" Needless to say, the tiger came and ate him." - Respa Ntuba

"The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself, but in so doing, he identifies himself with people--that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking them apart, but simply revealing their true nature."- James Thurber

"There are people who make things happen, those who watch what happens,and those who wonder what happened." L.N. O'Rigby

"Train rides/trainwrecks, notta lotta diff', 'ceptin' fer one crucial detail, n'est ce pas?" -
Admiral Pluto Krozabeeep

"Breathe in soil, ground. Human being walk, make alive..." -Chinese proverb

"Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without notice."    - Will Durant

"The future keeps telling you what the past was about." -Tammy Skleerna

"The first mistake of Art is to assume that it's serious." - Lester Bangs

"The question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be...The nation and the world are in dire need of creative extremists" - Martin Luther King

˜We pray for circumstance, deal with happenstance, and accept consequence" -
Admiral Pluto Krozabeeep

The falling out of faithful friends, renewing is of love." - Richard Edwardes

"Any artist should be grateful for a naive grace which puts him beyond the need to reason elaborately." - Saul Bellow

"Communism is like one big phone company." - Lenny Bruce

To pretend, I actually do the thing: I have therefore only pretended to pretend." - Jacques Derrida

"I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
- Robert McCloskey

"The primary distinction of the artist is that he must actively cultivate that state which most men, necessarily, must avoid: the state of being alone." - James Baldwin

"Everyone is as God has made him, and oftentimes a great deal worse. - Miguel de Cervantes

"I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.I learn by going where I have to go." -Theodore Roethke

"Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand" - Baruch Spinoza

"Pop artists deal with the lowly trivia of possessions and equipment that the present generation is lugging along with it on its safari into the future." - J. G. Ballard

"Denial is a creative opportunity..." - Adja-Pelly-GoBoomdamn

"The Devil craps on the big pile" - Albert Einstein

"The gravity of the situation requires levity and brevity." -Adja/Pelleye/Nicki/Wrench

"Heinasirkka, Heinasirkka, menetaala hiiteen!" ("Grasshopper, Grasshopper, go to Hell!") - St. Urho (who drove the grasshoppers out of Finland by chanting this phrase)

"I am lost. I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait." - Ida Hopt

"We know where Iraq's WMD's are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat."
- Donald Rumsfeld

"No doubt the world is an imaginary world, but it is only once removed from the true world." - Isaac Bashevis Singer

"My research consists of studying the effects of putting somebody like me into a world like this." - Ashleigh Brilliant

"I'd rather know some of the questions than all of the answers." - James Thurber

"All men are born with a nose and ten fingers, but no one was born with a knowledge of God." - Voltaire

"The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end."- Benjamin Disraeli

"Wait, Lucidity -Lemme 'splain!" -The existentialist Ricky Ricardo

"Yes but I cry easily. I cry at the movies. I cry over television ads. I blame the Modernist movement - it took the sentiment out of art, so we’re left to cry at junk." - Lenny Krenka

"It gives me a deep comforting sense that things seen are temporal and things unseen are eternal." - Helen Keller

"The secret of being a bore is to tell everything." - Voltaire

"Shock comes, Oh - Oh! Laughing words.“ Ha - Ha!
Terror for a hundred miles, but he doesn't drop the chalice."     - Aquarian Tarot

"The time to be happy is now; the place to be happy is here."   - Robert G. Ingersoll

"Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way." - Topo Gigio

"Life, like a dome of many-coloured glass, stains the white radiance of eternity."      - Adonais

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"   - Leroy Satchell Paige

"Is do is did to do as is do is did to did." (The Golden Rule of Is and Do) - Zando Booch

"Without poets, without artists, men would soon weary of nature's monotony. The sublime idea men have of the universe would collapse with dizzying speed. The order which we find in nature, and which is only an effect of art, would at once vanish. Everything would break up in chaos. There would be no seasons, no civilization, no thought, no humanity; even life would give way, and the impotent void would reign everywhere."
- Guillaume Apollinaire

"I am grateful to those who are keepers of the groove. The babies and the grandmas who hang on to it and help us remember when we forget that any kind of dancing is better than no dancing at all." - Lynda Barry

"Why don't you put on a wooden beak and pick shit with the rest of us chickens?"   - Mabel Domitio

"I am not one of those who, in expressing opinions, confine themselves to facts." - Mark Twain

"Imagination is more important than knowledge, for knowledge is limited while imagination embraces the entire world." - Albert Einstein

"There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else." - James Thurber

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path, and leave a trail." - Armand Toooliah

Captain Beefheart's Ten Commandments for Guitar Players:

1. LISTEN TO THE BIRDS That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.

2. YOUR GUITAR IS NOT REALLY A GUITAR Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.

3. PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A BUSH Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn't shake, eat another piece of bread.

4. WALK WITH THE DEVIL Old delta blues players referred to amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts demons and devils. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

5. IF YOU'RE GUILTY OF THINKING, YOU'RE OUT If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

6. NEVER POINT YOUR GUITAR AT ANYONE Your instrument has more power than lightning. Just hit a big chord, then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

7. ALWAYS CARRY YOUR CHURCH KEY You must carry your key and use it when called upon. That's your part of the bargain. Like One String Sam. He was a Detroit street musician in the fifties who played a homemade instrument. His song "I Need A Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another church key holder is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty making you want to look up her dress to see how he's doing it.

8. DON'T WIPE THE SWEAT OFF YOUR INSTRUMENT You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

9. KEEP YOUR GUITAR IN A DARK PLACE When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure to put a saucer of water in with it.

10. YOU GOTTA HAVE A HOOD FOR YOUR ENGINE Wear a hat when you play and keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a wet paper towel around it to make it grow.

In the 1920s, while barring the teaching of foreign languages, Texas governor Miriam "Ma" Ferguson picked up a Bible and famously declared, "If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it's good enough for Texas."

Ages ago, God and Satan went for a walk. As they walked, Satan notice that God was holding something bright and shiny in his hand. Satan asked God what it was. God replied, "This? This is truth." Satan snatched it from God's hand and said, "Give this to me, I'll organize it for you." - a parable from the soon to be published Krozabeeep Kollections

"They say Princes learn no art truly, but the art of horsemanship. The reason is, the brave beast is no flatterer. He will throw a prince as soon as his groom." - Ben Jonson

"Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

"Jeez Arnie, this damn chef's hat is too tight and is makin' my brain hurt. No wonder this stuff we put in these cans tastes like crap!" - Hector Boiardi (yes, that Chef Boy-R-Dee!!!)

"So sad; In England, there are sixty different religions and only one sauce." -Voltaire

"How can people say they don't eat eggplant when God loves the color and the French love the name? I don't understand." - Jeff Smith, The Frugal Gourmet

"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple." - Oscar Wilde

My beautiful, my beautiful!
That standest meekly by,
With thy proudly-arched and glossy neck,
and dark and fiery eye!
- Caroline Sheridan Norton, The Arab's Farewell to His Steed

"This Brahman, this Self, deep-hidden in all beings, is not revealed to all; but to the seers, pure in heart, concentrated in mind' to them is he revealed." - from the Katha Upanishad

"In order to be irreplaceable you must be different." - Coco Chanel

"It is a spiritual practice to live at the center of a creative life." - Cibogo Lunzalla

Truth is to be judged by truth and by nothing else. Doing good is not the test of truth; the Sun needs no torch by which to see it. Even if truth destroys the whole universe, still it is truth; stand by it."
- Vivekenanda

"Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again..." - Dag Hammarskjold

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans" - John Lennon

"Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life," but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her." - Mark Twain

"If, upon observation, you realize that you are an imperfect person, stop, acknowledge your cosmic trespass, ask that your slate be wiped clean, believe that it has, redirect your energies to change the identified imperfections, and move on. Repeat these steps as often as necessary." - Paolo Pontificatti (Excerpt from Chicken Scagadda for the Soul)

"Remember, even when opportunity knocks, a man still has to get up off his seat and open the door."
- Luther "Ten-Penny" McFartland

"Thinking about our own state of mind, what a wonderful balance! Freedom and Love. Freedom keeps perspective and Love fires us to greater things. Taken together, freedom cannot lead to selfishness and aloofness, and love cannot bind. - Vivekananda

"It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy." - James Thurber

"It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English - up to fifty words used in correct context - no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese." - Carl Sagan

"Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love."
 - Mahatma Gandhi

"They've said all they can say about me, except that I'm dead" - Georgia O'Keefe

"Depravity is its own reward..." - BeBeBobo

"The Messiah will only come when he is no longer needed." - Franz Kafka

"Creativity in the form of art may be a whore unto the ego in the denial of mortality. Or creativity in the form of being may be a cry of mortality to go on as conscious expression beyond the chains of theism. Consciousness is the stake that evolves into the brightness of all man and nails mortality to the color doors of time." - David Mullen (editor note: Whaaaaa???????)

"You meet rich people and you hang around with them, and one night they've had a few drinks and they say 'I'll buy it!' Then they tell their friends, "you must have this person's work, darling,' and that's all you need. That's all it takes. Get it?" -Andy Warhol (in his diary on what it takes to make it in the art world.)

"If it's sour, throw it out! Ver Hassestak Orta! Dona mel da fees Hinkpool! Tok eeena eet! Tok eena eet! TOK EENA EET!!!" - Salvatore Martirano (from L's g.a.)

"Having vision means seeing with the heart." - Lucie Shores

“In the faces of men and women I see God.” - Walt Whitman from Leaves of Grass

"You know you're getting old when the only thing you exercise is caution" - Chef Algie Petrere

"the illusion is that you are simply reading this poem.
the reality is that this is more than a poem."  - bukowski

George Bernard Shaw's epitaph reads:
"I knew that if I lived long enough, something like this would happen."

"You must give birth to your images. They are the future waiting to be born... Fear not the strangeness you feel. The future must enter you long before it happens...just wait for the birth, for the hour of new clarity.
- Ranier Maria Rilke

""Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry."
- Calvin Trillin

"I loathe the expression 'What makes him tick.' It is the American mind, looking for simple and singular solution, that uses the foolish expression. A person not only ticks, he also chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock in a thunderstorm." - James Thurber

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet." - Former British foreign minister, Ernest Bevin

"A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase." - Mark Twain

"Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason." - Penn E. Laine

"If I don't see you no more in this world, I'll meet you in the next one; & don't be late. (Don't be late..)"
 - James Marshall Hendrix

"God does not play dice with the universe" - Albert Einstein

"Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time." - Steven Wright

"Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they think laughable.
- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..."
- Jack Kerouac

"Man exists in a twilight zone between beast and Buddha"  - Wesczbo Dopaeenalotz

"I'm drinkin' TNT, I'm smokin' dynamite, I hope some screwball start a fight. ('Cause I'm ready...)"
- McKinley Morganfield

"Many of the things you can count don't count. Many of the things you can't count really count."
- Albert Einstein

"Strive for abject & total ludicrosity. Only when critical mass of the psyche AND soul has been achieved through incessant devotion to the realm of the absurd, can we begin to fathom the energy and beauty (and ultimate dignity) in our ongoing quest for spiritual fulfillment, ya know what I mean? Huh? do ya? OK, then." -Admiral Pluto Krozabeeep, Prime Minister of Eternal Combustion

"No, no, no..the one beHIND Maple Nut Crunch...." - Al Pacino


Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never    tried before.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of  payments.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?'

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

"For in the end, we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught."  - Baba Dioum

"Love, all alike, no season knows, nor clime, nor hours, days, months, which are the rags of time." - John Donne

"Vertical windows
Leading mind from ground to sky
Lateral thoughts hurt          - CyKu by Lucie Shores

"Yo' Momma's ass!!" - Calvin Witherspoon

"Donâ't be afraid of playing mistakes; there aren't any." - Miles Davis
(Ed. note: okay fine, Miles... but then on the other hand, Miles was once heard to say to John Coltrane after 'Trane's extremely lengthy solo: "John, why the fuck did you play so damn long? to which Coltrane replied "Hey, man; that's how long it took.")

"HAD I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams." - William Butler Yeats

(Verde que te quiero verde. Verde viento. Verde ramas."
("Green I love you green. Green Wind. Green branches.")
- Federico Garcia Lorca

"Only when lions have historians, will hunters cease being heroes" - African Proverb

"The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up." - Paul Valery

"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio." - Joan Rivers

"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." - Mark Twain

"When artists do the real work found deep inside themselves, it is a way of becoming their true size" -Harriet Griffith

"Humor is such a wonderful thing, helping you realize what a fool you are but how beautiful that is at the same time." - Lynda Barry

"I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for." - Georgia O'Keeffe

"Abstract art is a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered." - Al Capp

"The same thing happened today that happened yesterday, only to different people..." - Walter Winchell

"That action is moral which frees us from the bondage of matter and vice versa. This world appears infinite, because everything is in a circle; it returns to whence it came. The circle meets, so there is no rest or peace here in any place. We must get out. Mukti is the one end to be attained. . ." - Vivekananda

"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides..." - Henri Frederic Amiel

"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh" - Voltaire

"If we do not find anything pleasant, at least we shall find something new." - Voltaire

"Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination." - Voltaire

"Anything too stupid to be said is sung." - Voltaire

"...the safest course is to do nothing against one's conscience. With this secret, we can enjoy life and have no fear from death." - Voltaire

"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd." - Voltaire

"Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do." - Voltaire

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams" - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Between truth and the search for truth, I opt for the second." - Bernard Berenson

"Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation." - James Thurber

"good to remember that we're all gods AND we're all clods too..." David Strand

"Errors, like Straws, upon the surface flow;
He who would search for Pearls must dive below." - John Dryden

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions" - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

"We make a living by what we get but we make a life by what we give." - Norman MacEwan

"Mistakes are almost always of a sacred nature. Never try to correct them. On the contrary: rationalize them, understand them thoroughly. After that, it will be possible for you to sublimate them." - Salvador Dali

"Never forget that those who bring happiness to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves." - Maurice Maeterlinck

"It is only those who never do anything who never make mistakes."   - A. Favre

"May the best from your past be the worst of your future." - a Romanian Gypsy proverb

"I died a mineral and became a plant. I died a plant and rose an animal. I died an animal, and I was man. Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?" - Rumi

"An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure." - Shelda Parsnip

"Don't just stammer...DO something!" - Delda, Shelda Parsnip's older sister

Savor the warmth of every sun filled day, the chill wind of every raging storm, weeds as much as flowers, the bitter and the sweet." from "dark rivers of the heart" - Dean Koontz

"If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and he decides to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too." - Tolly Shabaybay

"Loving someone deeply gives you strength; while being deeply loved gives you courage." - Lao Tzu

"I don't like work- no man does- but I like what is in work- the chance to find yourself."  - Joseph Conrad

"I don't like work, work don't like me; we'll stay away from each other, that's the way it ought to be- I ain't doin too bad, I ain't doin too bad at all..." -Morris Holt (Magic Slim)

"No man who obsesses about originality will ever be original; whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring two pence about how often it has been told before) you will likely become original without ever having noticed." - C.S. Lewis

"I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness." - James Thurber

"I am running for president in the year 2000 because I think I can beat Bill Clinton." - Dan Quayle

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." - Tony Robbins

"When you're swimmin' in a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray." - JC Christy

"Garfield Goose the puppet, went around with Frazier Thomas' hand up his ass. He liked it!" - Ray Rayner

"Never eat anything bigger than your head." - B. Kliban

"The shit just got past the waders" - K. Angelwood

"Wine is proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy" - Ben Franklin

"YOWW!! I am having fun!" - Zippy, that lovable pinhead

"Oh NO!!! I forgot to have fun!" - Cartoon character, Little Lulu (at age 67)

"Pick up the joy giving wine and come hither.
Temptations of mean foes decline and come hither.
Don’t listen to the one who says sit down and stay;
Listen to me, pick up the line and come hither." - Hafiz (Rubaiyat 2)

"The main cause of all bondage is ignorance. Man is not wicked by his own nature, not at all. His nature is pure, perfectly holy. Each man is divine. Each man that you see is a God by his very nature. This nature is covered by ignorance, and it is ignorance that binds us down. Ignorance is the cause of all misery. Ignorance is the cause of all wickedness; and knowledge will make the world good. Knowledge will remove all misery. Knowledge will make us free. This is the idea of Jnana-Yoga: knowledge will make us free! What knowledge? Chemistry? Physics? Astronomy? Geology? They help us a little, just a little. But the chief knowledge is that of your own nature. "Know thyself." You must know what you are, what your real nature is. You must become conscious of that infinite nature within. Then your bondages will burst." - Vivekananda

"There are two ways to wash the dishes-the first is to wash the dishes in order to have clean dishes and the second is to wash the dishes in order to wash the dishes." - Thich Nhat Hanh from "The Miracle of Mindfulness"

"The lamps are many, the Light is one." - Jelaluddin Rumi

[In the following story, the great prophet Moses has just scolded an ordinary person for addressing God in simple, human terms. Mortified, the person shrinks away. God then appears to Moses and says:]
"You have separated Me from one of My own. Did you come as a Prophet to unite, or to sever? I have given each being a separate and unique way of seeing and knowing and saying that knowledge. What seems wrong to you is right for him. What is poison to one is honey to someone else. Purity and impurity, sloth and diligence in worship, these mean nothing to Me. I am apart from all that. Ways of worshipping are not to be ranked as better or worse than one another. Hindus do Hindu things. The Dravidian Muslims in India do what they do. It's all praise, it's all right. It's not Me that's glorified in acts of worship. It's the worshippers! I don't hear the words they say. I look inside at the humility. The broken-open lowliness is the Reality, not the language! Forget phraseology, I want burning, burning . . . . Burn up your thinking and forms of expression! Moses, those who pay attention to ways of behaving and speaking are one sort. Lovers who burn are another. - Jelaluddin Rumi "God Sees Beneath the Forms.", Translation by Coleman Barks

"Nothing's more dangerous than an idea when it's the only one you have..." - Emile Chartier

"People who are resting on their laurels are wearing them on the wrong end." - Malcolm Kushner

"Try? There is no try. There is only do or not do". -Yoda

"The artist is not a different kind of person, but every person is a different kind of artist." - Eric Gill

"Some painters transform the sun into a yellow spot, others transform a yellow spot into the sun." - Pablo Picasso

"If you do not expect the unexpected you will not find it, for it is not to be reached by search or trail."  - Heraclitus

"Anyone can look for fashion in a boutique or history in a museum. The creative explorer looks for history in a hardware store and fashion in an airport." - Robert Weider
"The Resplendent Self
Your self is the miraculous Self.
When you seek the things of the lower mind, you are subject to the world of law.
But when you seek the things of the higher mind — divine things, spiritual things beyond matter — you enter a realm of miracles and grace.

Miraculous things will begin to happen when you think of the true nature of the Self.
You will be surprised to find how the Self has become an illumined force within you.

Nature is the vesture of God.
Beyond nature's mechanical laws are higher laws that are much more flexible; from there miracles come.

If you say "I am the Self," you will find that the real Self begins to assert itself.

"All truth is within me": this is knowledge.
I am the witness, the spectator.
I am that infinite effulgence against which the universe is dancing.

Be the witness. All is play; the whole universe is play. Then everything brings truth."    - Swami Ashokananda
"Every rule here may be broken except this one!" - Karl Pomar

"Here Podie! Yho toe zhan! Yho Toe Zhan!" -Oblio Roman Boraldi

"The terrorist engrossed in his efforts to blow up a car, will sometimes burn his lips on the exhaust pipe."  - Coelbard Coronado

"Is do is did is did is done so if is do. Is!" - Zando Booch

"With the power of soul, anything is possible. With the power of you, it's anything that you want t'do."  - James Marshall Hendrix

"I am very fond of picking up chestnuts, old rags, and particularly pieces of paper. I like to hold them in my hands, to close my fingers over them; I could almost put them in my mouth, like a small child might."  - Roquentin from Sartre's "La Nausee"

"Where there is an open mind there will always be a frontier." - Eugenia Rosealba Nioprino

"Youth is a country. I used to live there. Its inhabitants can't wait to migrate. Its exiles long to return."
- I. Allan Sealy, The Brainfever Bird

"Why don't yer shut yer gob yer big fat get or I'll kick your face in. Yer all the same you rich fat Bourgies, workin' uz poor workers to death and gettin all the gelt and going to France for for yer 'olidays." -Scruddy Tadddpill (from "Scene three Act one" in John Lennon's "In his Own Write")

"There is always the danger that we may just do the work for the sake of the work. This is where the respect and the love and the devotion come in -- that we do it to God, to Christ, and that's why we try to do it as beautifully as possible." - Mother Teresa

"Books are useless to us until our own book opens; then all other books are good so far as they confirm our book. It is the strong that understand strength, it is the elephant that understands the lion, not the rat. How can we understand Jesus until we are his equals? It is all in the dream to feed five thousand with two loaves, or to feed two with five loaves; neither is real and neither affects the other. Only grandeur appreciates grandeur, only God realises God. The dream is only the dreamer, it has no other basis. It is not one thing and the dreamer another." - Swami Vivekananda

"Do not sit long with a sad friend. When you go to a garden do you look at the weeds? Spend more time with the roses and jasmines." - Jalal Ud-Din Rumi

"With freedom of choice and with honor, as though the maker and moulder of yourself, you may fashion yourself in whatever shape you shall prefer. You shall have the power to degenerate into the lower forms of life which are brutish, or to, out of your soul's judgement, be reborn into the higher forms which are divine."    -Giovanni Pico della Mirandola

"Osama Bin Laden is either alive and well or alive and not too well or not alive." - Donald Rumsfeld

"I shouldn't get into ... this is diplomacy, and I don't do diplomacy." Donald Rumsfeld

"Through our sunless lanes creeps Poverty with her hungry eyes, and Sin with his sodden face follows close behind her. Misery wakes us in the morning and Shame sits with us at night." - Oscar Wilde

"It is safest to be moderately base -- to be flexible in shame, and to be always ready for what is generous, good and just, when anything is to be gained by virtue." - Sydney Smith

"To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong"  - Joseph Chilton Pearce

"The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love." - Pearl Bailey

"One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well."  - Virginia Woolf

"Whether you believe you can or believe you can't, you're right."  - Joey Abzo Croemboza

"We buy, sell, & trade this, them, those, these and that." - Ray Melinder

"We are not here to create disorder, we are here to preserve disorder."
   - Former Chicago Mayor Richard J. Daley Sr. (during the 1968 Democratic Convention riots)

"Ahh, indubitably. I wanna raise my flag & say 'hi', I'm from the U. S. of A; (yeah, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout), and to all you bill collectors, y'all have a nice day.(send me some candy so I can lick the wrapper, baby)" - William "Bootsy" Collins

"I am not a crook!" -Richard Milhouse Nixon

"I am not a dumbfuck!" -Spiro T. Agnew

"I just can't imagine what happened to the friggin' tape." - Rosemary Woods

"I lost my coat, so whaddaya worryin' about?" - Dale Maddox

"Y'all people got to know 'bout yer rightful place in the back of the bus." -Lester Maddox

"You Goddamma kids'a, I catcha you, I cutta you fuckin'a balls off! - Alfredo Lazzari

"I don't know; I just don't feel normal..." - Bruce Joel Cutean (as a young miscreant)

"I shut my eyes in order to see." - Paul Gaugin

"The universe will reward you for taking risks on its behalf." - Shakti Gawain

"I merely took the energy it takes to pout, and wrote some blues..." - Mercer Duke Ellington

"We've howdied but we ain't shook." -Tom Nicholson

"Man can learn nothing except by going from the known to the unknown." -Claude Bernard

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." -Anais Nin

"Be really whole and all things will come to you." -Lao Tzu

"If you were an ancient barbarian, I bet a real embarrassing thing would be if you were sacking Rome and your cape got caught on something and you couldn't get it unhooked, and you had to ask another barbarian to unhook it for you." - Jack Handy

"A painting is never finished- it simply stops in interesting places." -Paul Gardner

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." - Tony Robbins

"There is nothing more depraved than a man in the throes of an ether binge." -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson from "Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas"

"You ain't got to go home, but you sure got to get the Hell outta here!" -Morris Day

"Shuttup and play yer guitar!" -Frank Zappa

"No contemplation yields the fruit of foolishness." - Rozalba DaQuii

"Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance." - William Shakespeare

"There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad. - Salvador Dali

"Laughing, you will see"  - Tolo Borko

"Oh no, that is just baloneyshit!" -Xiangquang "Shawn" Yu

"Each soul is potentially divine. The goal is to manifest that divinity within. Do this either through work or worship, psychic control or Love and be free. This is the whole of religion..." - Vivekananda

"Wisdom is to be crazy when circumstances warrant it."   -Calvin Celeste, man of interesting

"I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true." - Dorothy Parker

"Genius might be described as a supreme capacity for getting its possessors into trouble of all kinds." - Samuel Butler

"Everyone rises to their level of incompetence." - Laurence J. Peter

"It is better to look good than to feel good; you know what I mean? (You look mmmahvelous!)." - Fernando

"You say I go on all the time 'bout all the beautiful ladies even tho' I can't see 'em. Well I'm here to tell you, I can do a whole lot mo' wit' my hands than you can wit' your eyes!" -Ray Charles

"Oh Mister Egg Man! You're the nicest man I ever met!!" -Edie Massey in John Waters' "Pink Flamingoes"

"Let me talk to you slightly- jus ast any woman you see; you can be as ugly as ugly can be, but if you got the money, you look allright! (an' if you don't look allright, well then, jus' keep on steppin')." - Pervis Spann, yo' all day, yo' all night bluesman

"A-wopbop-a-loo-wop a wop bam boom!" -Richard Penniman

"A quarrel between friends, when made up, adds a new tie to friendship."   - St. Francis De Sales

"Physician, heal thyself and the rest of you motherfuckers get the Hell outta my way or buy me a drink!" - Dr. Marcus Welby

"Boom boom boom boom..." - John Lee Hooker

"In this world, which is so plainly the antechamber of another, there are no happy persons. The true division of humanity is between those who live in light and those who live in darkness. Our aim must be to diminish the number of the latter and increase the number of the former.
- Victor Hugo

"Enlightenment must come little by little-otherwise it would overwhelm." - Idries Shah

"Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration." -Thomas Alva Edison

"OVER all the dream-built margin, flushed with grey and hoary light,
Glint the bubble planets tossing in the dead black sea of night." - Dora Sigerson

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." -Franklin Roosevelt

"If you can't poke fun & laff heartily (at/with/to) yourself, then for god's sake let someone else do it for you." - Al Toesax

"I refer to the blues as the national anthem." -McCoy Tyner

"What do YOU think?" - Judith Seales

"The chemist who can extract from his heart's elements, compassion, respect, longing, patience, regret, surprise, and forgiveness and compound them into one can create that atom which is called love." - Kahlil Gibran

"Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly".  - Louis Ginsberg

"If I love you, what business is it of yours?" - Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence." - Vincent Van Gogh

"Have something to say for yourself, else how can you have any idea of what others have said? Do not cling to old superstitions; be ever ready for new truths. "Fools are they who would drink brackish water from a well that their forefathers dug and would not drink pure water from a well that others have dug." - Vivekenanda

"Love is not blind -- it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less." - Rabbi J. Gordon

"Nothing that is can pause or stay;
The moon will wax, the moon will wane,
The mist and cloud will turn to rain,
The rain to mist and cloud again,
Tomorrow be today.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"The diabolical man is a part of my body as a wound or a burn is. We have to nurse it and get it better; so continually nurse and help the diabolical man, until he "heals" and is once happy and healthy. While we think on the relative plane, we have the right to believe that as bodies we can be hurt by relative things and equally that we can be helped by them. This idea of help, abstracted, is what we call God. The sum total of all ideas of help is God. - Vivekananda

"Let the first impulse pass, wait for the second."  - Baltasar Gracian

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's
cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." - Erica Jong

"We gonna have a funky good time!" - James Brown

"Man, that's how long it took!" John Coltrane when quizzed by Miles Davis about why he soloed for so long...

"Good grief! This wallpaper is killing me. One of us has got to go!" -Oscar Wilde's last words

"The work of art, just like any fragment of human life considered in its deepest meaning, seems to me devoid of value if it does not offer the hardness, the rigidity, the regularity, the luster on every interior and exterior facet, of the crystal." - Andre Breton

"Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air." - Sylvia Plath

"How curious. We are here to celebrate the celebrated caliber of calibration, the metering of metrics, the optical illusions of our cultural ophthalmologists. Sic transit gloria mundi, babycakes. News at 11 -- feed my Frankenstein." - Rogers Cadenhead

"I have loved the stars too fondly to ever be fearful of the night." - Sarah Williams

"Sing again, with your dear voice revealing
A tone
Of some world far from ours,
Where music and moonlight and feeling
Are one." - Percy Shelley

"Why is a mouse when it spins? The higher the fewer..." - Reverend Paul Glick

"That bag don't hold no shit with me!" - Nicholas P. Cutean

"There's only two kinds of people in this world. People like me and ASSHOLES!" - Connie Marvel in John Waters' "Pink Flamingoes"

"The artist is not a different kind of person; but every person is a different kind of artist." - Eric Gill

"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old." - George Burns

"The consequence of our media-driven society, is that we have a lot of people who are not only ignorant but who are ignorant and don't care; who really believe their way to success is through sports and rock 'n' roll."
 - Dean Kamen

"Art gives us the presence of the mystery without losing the mystery." - Thomas Moore

"Well yes I did try marijuana one time but I didn't inhale..." - Bubbabill Clinton

"dorkydorkydorkydorkydorkydorkydorkydorky..." - Horse Badorties

"Is not piety the illegitimate son of guilt?" - Ed Skellie

"My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers." - Woody Allen

"In any society, the artist has a responsibility. His effectiveness is certainly limited and a painter or writer cannot change the world. But they can keep an essential margin of non-conformity alive. Thanks to them the powerful can never affirm that everyone agrees with their acts. That small difference is important." - Luis Bunuel

"I'd love to turn you on..." - John Lennon

"Just when you think it's safe to watch "Soul Train" again; we elect Ronald Reagan president!"
- Don Cornelius

"That's the way (uh-huh uh-huh) I like it." - Kool & the Gang

"If there's a Hell below, We all gonna go..." - Curtis Mayfield

"Mediocre people are the most dangerous people in the world." - Bill Cosby

"When the well goes dry, you have to wait & let it refill itself." - Roger Miller

"Self-denial is the shining sore on the leprous body of Christianity." - Oscar Wilde

"If you go to a magic show, you don't want to see logic." -Wille Nelson

"Love brings light into the world." - Rumi

"The alkaline side is the healthy side. Feast without fear!" - Nicolay-Dancey Inc., makers of NEW ERA potato chips, 1961

"Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt but in spite of doubt." - Rollo May

"It is extraordinary how the house and the simplest possessions of the one who has been left become so quickly sordid. Even the stain on the coffee cup seems not coffee, but the physical manifestation of one's inner stain, the fatal blot that from the beginning had marked one for ultimate aloneness." - Coleman Dowell

But that intimacy of mutual embarrassment, in which each feels that the other is feeling something, having once existed, its effect is not to be done away with."  - George Eliot

"Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible -- it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could. - Barbara De Angelis

No one ever discovers the depths of his own loneliness." - Georges Bernanos

" It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely." - Albert Einstein

On stage I make love to twenty five thousand people; and then I go home alone."     - Janis Joplin

"I would walk twenty miles to listen to my worst enemy if I could learn something." - Leibnitz

"My dear Mr. Heifitz, I was overwhelmed by your concert. If you continue to play with such beauty, you will certainly die young! No one can play with such perfection without provoking the jealousy of the gods! I earnestly implore you to play something badly every night before going to bed!"
- George Bernard Shaw to Yasha Heifitz

"Do not go gentle into that good night; old age should burn and rave at close of day; rage, rage against the dying of the light." - Dylan Thomas

"With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion." - Steven Weinberg

"And now, into the Bardo of rebirth, man. The door is stuck, man. I am trapped in my booth!"
- Horse Badorties, from William Kotzwinkle's "The Fan Man"

"Leadership is nature's way of removing morons from the productive flow." - Dilbert

"In order to acquire a growing and lasting respect in society, it is a good thing, if you possess great talent, to give, early in your youth, a very hard kick to the right shin of the society that you love. After that, be a snob." - Salvador Dali

"Worrying about a large institution, especially when it has computers, is like worrying about a large gorilla, especially when it's on fire." - Bruce Sterling

"One with such beauty none will make.
When her garments off we take
You can see her heart in her fragile breast,
Like a hard rock in a clear lake." - Hafiz (Rubaiyat 26)

"Leave only footprints. Kill only time. Take only knowledge." - Linzo Albatroza (or someone like him)

"Art imitates nature and is therefore the grandchild of God." - Dante

"It all comes back to you-it's just like sewing a bicycle." - Marvella

"The arrival of a good clown is worth twenty asses laden with drugs."
- quote from ancient Alexandria found by Norman Cousins

"Sensual pleasures are like soap bubbles; sparkling, effervescent. The pleasures of the intellect are calm, beautiful, sublime; ever-enduring and climbing upward to the borders of the unseen world." - John H. Augley

"Sitting silent and looking wise cannot be compared to drinking wine and making a racket."
- Manyoshu, 8th century Japanese poet

"Hi-ho Silver! Away-y-y-y!" -The Lone Ranger

"As the grass grows green so bends the twig. And watch out for those flying monkeys-those bastards'll pee on your parade every chance they get." -Calvin Celeste, man of interesting

"Denial is a creative opportunity." BeBe Bobo

"Reality is for people who can't handle drugs..." - Rifno Boone

"That orbed maiden with white fire laden, Whom mortals call the moon." - Percy Bysshe Shelley

"Love is both Creator's and Saviour's gospel to mankind;
a volume bound in rose-leaves,
clasped with violets,
and by the beaks of humming-birds printed with peach-juice
on the leaves of lilies." - Herman Melville

"Opposites are a product of fragmentary understanding." - Abe Maslow

"Holy War is a contradiction of terms..." - Elie Wiesel

"Artists are, above all, men who want to become inhuman." - Guillaume Apollinaire

"Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about events going badly. Let the lover be." - Rumi

"Let the beauty we love be what we do." - Rumi

"Attempting to curb depression by replacing it with obsession is akin to cutting off your Gramma's nose to spite your Uncle's yen for eating peach cobbler and lighting beerfarts." - Joey G. "Abzo" Croemboza

"What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind..." -Thomas Hewitt Key

"It has been demonstrated that some amphibians are able to use celestial bodies for navigation"
- Encyclopaedia Brittanica

"The world is a comedy to those who think; a tragedy to those who feel." - Horace Walpole

"Progress is the victory of laughter over dogma." - Benjamin De-Casseres

With renunciation life begins." - Amelia E. Barr

"Rats is like sausages only they got fur an' stuff". -Tolo Borko

"Always strive not to bleed on your work." - J. Guill

"Vyizder Zomenimor Orziz Assiz Zanzer R. Orziz..." -Terry Erwin

"We do have a saying in America: if you're in a hole, stop digging ..... er, um, I'm not sure I should have said that." - Donald Rumsfeld

"I believe what I said yesterday ... I don't know what I said, er, but I know what I think, and ... well, I assume it's what I said." - Donald Rumsfeld

"Kloorta bruunda lagaza prempo; insczekro legga-legga-oortah!" - Tony Bazhi "Li'l Oscar" Oleomegazondala

"God Help us. AgaInst stupidity, even the gods contend in vain." -Schiller

"Against boredom, even the gods contend in vain." -Nietzsche (in response to Schiller)

"Don't ever let something as mundane as gravity keep you down." - Craig Convissor

"Plan in marble if you would work in stone." - Kenya Rilly C. Atrophy

"BELOVED, gaze in thine own heart,
The holy tree is growing there;
From joy the holy branches start,
And all the trembling flowers they bear.
The changing colours of its fruit
Have dowered the stars with metry light;
The surety of its hidden root
Has planted quiet in the night;
The shaking of its leafy head
Has given the waves their melody,
And made my lips and music wed,
Murmuring a wizard song for thee.
There the Joves a circle go,
The flaming circle of our days,
Gyring, spiring to and fro" - William Butler Yeats

"Artistic growth is, more than it is anything else, a refining of the sense of truthfulness. The stupid believe that to be truthful is easy; only the artist, the great artist, knows how difficult it is." - Willa Cather

"With an apple I will astonish Paris." - Paul Cezanne

"Indeed, history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes". - Voltaire

"Someone's got to talk about accountability, someone's got to raise some Hell, it might as well be me."
- Jimmy Buffett from the song, Cultural Infidel

"A life well-spent is indeed long." - Leonardo daVinci

Ages ago, God and Satan went for a walk. As they walked, Satan notice that God was holding something bright and shiny in his hand. Satan asked God what it was. God replied, "This? This is truth." Satan snatched it from God's hand and said, "Give this to me, I'll organize it for you."
- a parable from Duzi Krandolo

"Adventure is not outside a man; it is within" -David Grayson

"I have made this letter somewhat longer than usual because I lack the time to make it short." - Blaise Pascal

"The eternal silence of these infinite spaces terrifies me." - Pensees

"In art, economy is always beauty." - Henry James

"A word spoken in due season; how good it is!" - Proverbs 15:23

"I have done it again." - Lady Lazarus

"Airing one's dirty linen never makes for a masterpiece." - Francois Truffaut

"Time is:
Too slow for those who wait,
Too swift for those who fear,
Too long for those who grieve,
Too short for those who rejoice,
But, for those who love; Time is not!" -Henry Van Dyke

"Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never... never forget it".
- Curtis Judalet

"Hoozagonnabeezagonnadoot? Weezagonnahaftagottadoot!!" - Ray "Pinche Gabacho" Olo

"There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures." - James Thurber

"Everything is a miracle. It is a miracle that one does not dissolve in one’s bath like a lump of sugar!" - Pablo Picasso

"Anyone with a memory must have tremendous humility" - Eric Johnson

"I just want to live happily ever after every now and then…" - Jimmy Buffett from the song Every Now & Then

"The answers are never elsewhere, the questions you sometimes buy, the secrets are inside you in castles a mile high." - Vince Mariani

     "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be?
     You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
     We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
     It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Topo Gigio

"Am I ignorant or apathetic? I don't know and I don't care! Does that sum it up for you? " - Linzo Albatroza

"Religion and art spring from the same root and are close kin. Economics and art are strangers." - Willa Cather

"So tell me, why the hell did DID the Kamikaze pilots need to wear helmets anyway?"    - Sandra VanAndrakranda

"Who is an artist? I say we take a title. No one gives it to us. We make our lives."  - Louise Nevelson

"Reality leaves a lot to the imagination." - John Lennon

"Ambivavlence fosters new tangents. The rest we make up as we go along."   - Annunzio Optimo Diducce

"Reality is hopelessly inaccurate." - Douglas Adams

"I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell?" - Andy Warhol

"I hope some animal never bores a hold in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea, but it's just eggs hatching." - Jack Handy

"Humans aren't much more than monkeys with car keys." - Leena Tolo
"Painting and copulation are not compatible - it weakens the brain."     -Vincent Van Gogh

"Only from the heart can you touch the sky." - Rumi

"May you have wonderful things thought of to do!"  - Signpost on Venus Isle

"Love possesses not nor will it be possessed, for love is sufficient unto love."        - Kahlil Gibran

"The intellectual man requires a fine bait; the sots are easily amused. But everybody is drugged with his own frenzy, and the pageant marches at all hours, with music and banner and badge." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Well, um, you know, some things are neither good nor bad but thinking makes it so, I suppose, as Shakespeare said.'" - Donald Rumsfeld

"woke up early - checked the weather - more el-crapo, im goin back to bed." - Stickgirl

"Life would be tolerable but for its amusements." - George Bernard Shaw

"If one had to worry about one's actions in respect to other people's ideas, one might as well be buried in an antheap or married to an ambitious violinist. Whether that man is the prime Minister, modifying his opinions to catch votes, or, a bourgeois in terror lest some harmless act should be misunderstood and outrage some petty convention, that man is an inferior man and I do not want to have anything to do with him any more than I want to eat canned salmon. - Aleister Crowley

"Yesterday is a canceled check: Forget it.
 Tomorrow is a promissory note: Don't count on it.
Today is ready cash: Use it!." - Edwin C. Bliss

"All of the things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Preamble to the book of Bokonon

"What if the protein that works in the brains of mad cows did nothing other than cause an abrupt increase of lucidity? The behaviour of the cows would be fully explained. That would also explain why the authorities are so concerned about the risk of such a syndrome in human brains"
- Alberto "Baby-Doc" Tondalini

"Je veux peindre comme si aucun peintre n'avait peint avant moi."
("I would like to paint as if no painter had ever painted before me.")
  - Paul Cezanne

"When you look closely at the concept of soulfulness, you see that it is tied to life in all its particulars - good food, satisfying conversation, genuine friends, and experiences that stay in the memory and touch the heart. Soul is revealed in attachment, love, and community, as well as in retreat on behalf of inner communing and intimacy" - Thomas Moore from Care Of The Soul

"Nihilism is best left to professionals." - Iggy Pop

"Though I've forgotten what I've set out to do, I'll stand by my efforts regardless!"   - Either Karl Pomar, Milton Berle or maybe Soupy Sales

"If the idea of rolling around in the river muck with a bunch of otters strikes you as a potential good time, you ought to try being an artist with something of your own to say in these dismal times. It's more fun being pissed on by a rabid Rottweiler! - Krel Marmada

"Good taste is the enemy of creativity. " - Pablo Picasso

"Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God." - Bokonon

"People hope that if they scream loudly enough about "values" then others will mistake them for serious, sensitive souls who have higher and nobler perceptions than ordinary people. Otherwise, why would they be screaming? Moral bitterness is a basic technique for endowing the idiot with dignity." - Marshall McLuhan

"Replacer le Reel dans "Absolu et le Vecu dans lrremediable" ("Replace what is real in what is absolute and what is lived in what is beyond repair)" - Mylene Catel

" You know how it is whenya take the credit for something. Pretty soon it turns to blame." - George Combs

"Subdue your appetites, my dears, and you've conquered human nature." - Charles Dickens

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." - W. C. Fields

"When a man has so far corrupted and prostituted the chastity of his mind as to subscribe his professional belief for to things he does not believe, he has prepared himself for the commision of every other crime." - Thomas Paine

‘The seven principles for effective networking (or, living, for that matter! -ed.) are, talk to anyone about anything, develop a high tolerance for ambiguity, be willing to look stupid, give more than you take, cultivate fearlessness, go on gut instinct, and, expand your sense of humour." - Rageboy

"Quantitative analysis works wonders when all the assumptions are accurate and the variables selected are the right ones. This happens approximately once every million years. - Rageboy

"Delusions of self-importance are usually harbingers of early senility." - Rageboy

"Work less, play more, dream always." - Rageboy

"Just because I don't know what I,m talking about, it doesn't mean I am going to shut up..." - Michelle Shocked

"To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another."   - Gottfried Wilhelm Von Leibniz

"Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that."    - Michael Leunig

"Go to the truth beyond the mind. Love is the bridge." - Stephen Levine

"It's like, you know, stirring for troubled waters." - Donald Rumsfeld

"An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that
succeeds, for love is measured by fullness, not by reception." - Harold Lokes

"Sentimentalists adopt whatever merit is in good repute, and almost make it hateful with their praise." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Art is dangerous. It is one of the attractions: when it ceases to be dangerous you don't want it." - Anthony Burgess

"I didn't say I didn't say it. I said I didn't say I said it. I want that to be perfectly clear. - George Romney

"Fear is the consolation prize for not being open to your life as it is. " -Tenshin Reb Anderson

"You are an orphan of the universe, no less than the trees and ozone layer and the buffalo. You are cattle. You are chattel. You are in the way. Eschew the questionable counsel of decrepit hosers, nor willingly follow their drooling downward stagger into the depths of sadly premature senility.

Nurture unhinged hallucinations that everything's A-OK to shield yourself from suddenly wising up. Neither be distressed you are imagining things: the recurring fear that fatigue and loneliness are merely prologue. Beyond a wholesome discipline, slip fully into voluntary mental bondage. "  -Rageboy


Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars and you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever
you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Commonly attributed as Found in Old Saint Paul's Church, Baltimore: Dated 1692. Also credited to Max Ehrmann, written in 1927: Washington Post, November 27, 1977

"What is the most important for democracy is not that great fortunes should not exist, but that great fortunes should not remain in the same hands." - Alexis de Tocqueville

"The satirist is prevented by repulsion from gaining a better knowledge of the world he is attracted to, yet he is forced by attraction to concern himself with the world that repels him." - Italo Calvino

"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind."
      - General William Westmoreland

"Language is a form of human reason that has its own internal logic of which man knows nothing."
- Claude Lévi-Strauss

"To write is to become disinterested. There is a certain renunciation in art." - Albert Camus

"Belief is like a guillotine, just as heavy, just as light." - Franz Kafka

"Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth and danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings..." - John Gillespie Magee, Jr.

"Always rise from the table with an appetite, and you will never sit down without one."    - William Penn

"The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof, shit detector." - Ernest Hemingway

"Be not too liberal; it doth belong to dogs alone to fuck the whole day long."  - Friedrich Nietzsche

"The French bourgeois doesn't dislike shit, provided it is served up to him at the right time."
- Jean Paul Sartre

"We are here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is.." - Dr. Mark Vonnegut

"Whatever materializes worship hinders man's spiritual growth keeps him from demonstrating his power over error." - Mary Baker Eddy

"In a mad world only the mad are sane." - Akira Kurosawa

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein

"Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk".- Diane Frolov

"Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man… " - ZZ top

"F/3.8+ d} r-3 = fuck you" - Newton Tourette

"The wind calls your name as I pass it." - Mr Bean

What is reality? Nothing but a collective hunch." - Lily Tomlin

"Learn to feel yourself in other bodies, to know that we are all one. Throw all other nonsense to the winds. Spit out your actions, good or bad, and never think of them again. What is done is done. Throw off superstition. Have no weakness even in the face of death. Do not repent, do not brood over past deeds, and do not remember your good deeds; be azad! (free)." - Swami Vivekananda

"It's easier to get forgiveness after than permission before."  - Raul Tupenalo

"If it's a bloodbath, then let's get it over with. No more appeasement."      - Ronald Reagan, April 7, 1970

"I love the smell of Nepal in the mourning…" - Col. Mao

"Anyone who challenges the prevailing orthodoxy finds himself silenced with surprising effectiveness. A genuinely unfashionable opinion is almost never given a fair hearing." - GEORGE ORWELL

"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do." - JEAN-PAUL SARTRE

"The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts." - Elmo "Buddhabutt" Skoortch
(ed. note: "duh" Elmo...)

"Reason is like an officer when the king appears. The officer then loses his power and hides himself. Reason is the shadow cast by God; God is the sun." - Rumi

"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself." - RICHARD BURTON

"Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation." - St. Augustine

CHINESE PROVERBS (the wisdom of the ancient East):

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch butt not should bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

"Riot: A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders." - AMBROSE BIERCE

"Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?"
- Roland "Jitters" Hasbofreen

"God put me on this Earth to do a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die." - Johnny Strumba

"The wise through excess of wisdom is made a fool."  - RALPH WALDO EMERSON

"If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all ."

"To love another you have to undertake some fragment of their destiny."  - Quentin Crisp

"I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." - Roy Croft

"Truth; n. An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance."   - AMBROSE BIERCE

"That which has been believed by everyone, always and everywhere, has every chance of being false." - PAUL VALÃRY

"Some lies are so well disguised to resemble truth, that we should be poor judges of the truth not to believe them ." - Willliam Jefferson Clinton

"At the core of all well-founded belief, lies belief that is unfounded ." - LUDWIG WITTGENSTEIN

"Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity."
- W. B. Yeats

"The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself." - James Thurber, in Edward R. Murrow television interview

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?" - James Thurber

"Just as the human eye sees only a small part of the light spectrum and the human ear can detect only a fraction of nature's sounds so that which is comprehensible to the human mind is only a small fraction of our reality." - Rollbeaza Formicah

"The subtlety of nature is greater many times over than the subtlety of the senses and understanding ." - FRANCIS BACON

"God is the abstract compound of all that is merciful and good and helpful; that should be the sole idea. As Atman, we have no body; so to say, "I am God, and poison does not hurt me", is an absurdity. While there is a body and we see it, we have not realised God. Can the little whirlpool remain after the river vanishes? Cry for help, and you will get it; and at last you will find that the one crying for help has vanished, and so has the Helper, and the play is over; only the Self remains." - Vivekananda

"My own suspicion is that the universe is not only stranger than we suppose, but stranger than we can suppose." - JOHN HALDANE

"Not to know what has been transacted in former times is to be always a child. If no use is made of the labors of past ages, the world must remain always in the infancy of knowledge." - CICERO

"The various modes of worship, which prevailed in the Roman world, were all considered by the people as equally true; by the philosopher, as equally false; and by the magistrate, as equally useful." - EDWARD GIBBON in "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire"

"The light whose name is splendour, and the number of ruling lights
That scatter rays of fire high above the deep" - a Tuatha poem

"The orgasm has replaced the cross as the focus of longing and fulfillment. " - MALCOLM MUGGERIDGE

"The artist is extremely lucky who is presented with the worst possible ordeal which will not actually kill him. At that point, he's in business." - John Berryman

" The pleasure is momentary, the position rediculous, and the expense damnable."

"Pleasure is the carrot dangled to lead the ass to market; or to the precipice." - ROBINSON JEFFERS

"The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim." E. W. DIJKSTRA

"The 'Net interprets censorship as damage, and routes around it ."  - JOHN GILMORE

"The fantastic advances in the field of communication constitute a grave danger to the privacy of the individual." - EARL WARREN

"As I sat there beneath a gnarled thorn, weary and warm with my climb, I looked into the heart of a bluebell forest growing under a circle of gleaming silver birches, and suddenly I heard fairy music--at least it was not mortal--and many sounds were mingled in it: the sighing of birches, the carol of a lark, the leap and laugh of a silvery runnel tumbling down the hillside, the soft whir of butterflies' wings, and a sweet little over or under tone, from the over or under world, that I took to be the opening of a million hyacinth buds in the sunshine. Then I heard the delicious sound of a fairy laugh, and, looking under a swaying branch of meadowsweet, I saw--yes, I really saw-" - Kate Douglas Wiggin

"Art! Who comprehends her? With whom can one consult concerning this great goddess?"
- Ludwig Van Beethoven

"Information is the oxygen of the modern age. It seeps through the walls topped by barbed wire, it wafts across the electrified borders." - RONALD REAGAN

"O to dream, O to awake and wander
There, and with delight to take and render,
Through the trance of silence,
Quiet breath;
Lo! for there, among the flowers and grasses,
Only the mightier movement sounds and passes;
Only winds and rivers,Life and death." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"We've arranged a civilization in which most crucial elements profoundly depend on science and technology. We have also arranged things so that almost no one understands science and technology. This is a prescription for disaster. We might get away with it for a while, but sooner or later this combustible mixture of ignorance and power is going to blow up in our faces." - CARL SAGAN

"I watch a man shoot pool for an hour. If he misses more than one shot I know I can beat him."
- LUTHER LASSITER, pool hustler

"I was a stricken deer that left the herd long since." WILLIAM COWPER

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I..... I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." - ROBERT FROST The Road Not Taken

"The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up." - Dorothy Day

"The will and high permission of all-ruling heaven left him at large to his own dark designs, That with reiterated crimes he might heap on himself damnation." - John Milton

"What we are seeing is not the war in Iraq. What we're seeing is slices of the war in Iraq."
- Donald Rumsfeld

"It is better to sleep on things beforehand than lie awake about them afterwards" - Baltasar Gracian

"There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination."

"There is no absurdity so palpable but that it may be firmly planted in the human head if you only begin to inculcate it before the age of five, by constantly repeating it with an air of great solemnity."

"Whom the ignorant worship, Him I preach unto thee."This one and only God is the "knownest" of the known. He is the one thing we see everywhere. All know their own Self, all know, "I am", even animals. All we know is the projection of the Self. Teach this to the children, they can grasp it. Every religion has worshipped the Self, even though unconsciously, because there is nothing else."- Vivekenanda

"I had a dream, which was not all a dream." - George Gordon Noel Byron

"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered."- VOLTAIRE

"Far clouds of feathery gold, Shaded with deepest purple, gleam Like islands on a dark blue sea."
- Percy Bysshe Shelley

"The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius." - OSCAR WILDE

"When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him." - JONATHAN SWIFT Thoughts on Various Subjects

"We want the facts to fit the preconceptions. When they don't, it is easier to ignore the facts than to change the preconceptions."     JASSAMYN WEST

"I do not believe that any writer has ever exposed this bovaryisme, the human will to see things as they are not, more clearly than Shakespeare ." T.S. ELLIOT

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
 - Winston Churchill

"Nothing is as terrible to see as ignorance in action ." GOETHE

"Stillness of morning
Surrounding peacefulness yet
Mindfulness disturbs         - Cy-Ku by Lucie Shores

"And nearer to the river's trembling edge
There grew broad flag-flowers, purple prank'd with white,
And starry river-buds among the sedge,
And floating water-lilies, broad and bright,
Which lit the oak that overhung the hedge
With moonlight beams of their own watery light;
And bulrushes, and reeds of such deep green
As soothed the dazzled eye with sober sheen." - George William Russell

"What more felicitie can fall to creature than to enjoy delight with libertie ." -EDMUND SPENSER

"While democracy must have its organizations and controls, its vital breath is individual liberty." CHARLES EVANS HUGHES Supreme Court Justice

" Society attacks early when the individual is helpless." B. F. SKINNER

"In framing a government which is to be administered by men over men the great difficulty lies in this: You must first enable the government to control the governed, and in the next place, oblige it to control itself ." ALEXANDER HAMILTON in The Federalist Feb.8, 1788

"Nothing is more damaging to a state than that cunning men pass for wise ."- FRANCIS BACON

"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." - VOLTAIRE

"Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked." ROBERT D. SPRECHT

"To live outside the law you must be honest ." BOB DYLAN

"He knows all about art, but he doesn't know what he likes." - James Thurber

"The savage bows down to idols of wood and stone: the civilized man to idols of flesh and blood."

"In times of tumult and discord bad men have the most power; mental and moral excellence require peace and quietness ." - TACITUS

"Under peaceful conditions the militant man attacks himself." - FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE

"Reverence for life affords me my fundamental principle of morality ." - ALBERT SCHWEITZER

"There would be no society if living together depended upon understanding each other."- ERIC HOFFER

"There is only one difference between a madman and me. The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad." - Salvador Dali

"Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities." MARK TWAIN

"If I die, I forgive you; if I live, we shall see...." Spanish Proverb

"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function." F. Scott Fitzgerald, in The Crack-Up

" . . .the basic delusion that men may be governed and yet be free." - MENCKEN

"The thin and precarious crust of decency is all that separates any civilization, however impressive, from the hell of anarchy or systematic tyranny which lie in wait beneath the surface ." - ALDOUS HUXLEY

"Irony is the hygiene of the mind ." ELIZABETH BIBESCO

"Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding ."

"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices ."

"Either you think--or else others have to think for you and take power from you, pervert and discipline your natural tastes, civilize and sterilize you ." F. SCOTT FITZGERALD

"Those who cannot think for themselves are emotionally unequipped to spend time alone ."
- Wescbo Doppaeenalotz

"As a child with hands uplifted peering through the cloudless miles
Bent the Mighty Mother o'er me shining all with eyes and smiles:
"Come up hither, child, my darling": waving to the habitations,
Thrones, and starry kings around her, dark embattled planet nations." - Dora Sigerson

"Children who know how to think for themselves spoil the harmony of the collective society which is coming where everyone is interdependent" . - JOHN DEWEY

". . . the inability to view the validations of unpopular views, because the focus of their casuistry has been reduced to mindless invalidation ." ELI KHAMAROV

"...Two and two are four . Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane."

"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
- Joan Crawford

"Ordinarily he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was merely stupid." - Heinrich Heine

All philosophy lies in two words, sustain and abstain." - Epictetus

"Love means the body, the soul, the life, the entire being. We feel love as we feel the warmth of our blood, we breathe love as we breathe air, we hold it in ourselves as we hold our thoughts. Nothing more exists for us." - Guy De Maupassant

"Damn it, Bones, you're a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away! I need my pain!" - Captain Kirk, Star Trek V

"Mad; adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.     - AMBROSE BIERCE

"The vast majority of human beings dislike and even dread all notions with which they are not familiar. Hence it comes about that at their first appearance innovators have always been derided as fools and madmen." - ALDOUS HUXLEY

" The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher regard those who think alike than those who think differently ." NIETZSCHE

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting ."

"A great step toward independence is a good humored stomach ." - SENECA

"Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature!"

"Many people would rather die than think; in fact, most do." - BERTRAND RUSSELL

"To think is to differ ." - CLARENCE DARROW

"Rough work, iconoclasm, but the only way to get at truth ." - OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES

"If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him ." - JOHN F. KENNEDY

"The foolish and the uneducated have little use for freedom ."  
- Garfield Goose, First King of the United States

"That fruit of Paradise which came into your hands
Why did you not use your hands to plant inside your heart?
When time comes for you to tell about your tale
Go to its springhead, from the heavenly fruit start." - Hafiz, from Eyzaaleh ("Mathnavi) 31

"It is a secret both in nature and state, that it is safer to change many things than one."

"Nature loves a burst of energy ." -Chelveston the Duck

"Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without notice." -- Will Durant

"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd ." - VOLTAIRE

"The superfluous is very necessary." - VOLTAIRE

"You'll come to learn a great deal if you study the Insignificant in depth ." - ODYSSEUS ELYTIS

"I'm a self-made man, but I think if I had it to do over again, I'd call in someone else ." ROLAND YOUNG

"How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterwards ." - SPANISH PROVERB

"He who hesitates is sometimes saved." - James Thurber

" It is not what you know that gets you into trouble. It's what you think you know that isn't so! ."
- Rhomburg Rabbit

"Great minds..discuss ideas. Average minds... discuss events. Small minds... discuss people ."
- Solly Ensczekroe

"We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love, never so
forlornly unhappy as when we have lost our love object or its love." - Sigmund Freud

"Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable." -- Ambrose Bierce

"Life IS pain...anyone who says differently is selling something"
    - Westley in The Princess Bride

"Not everyone can be an orphan." -- Andre Gide

"The earth laughs in flowers." -- E.E. Cummings

"WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness." -- Ellie Katz

"Clearly spoken, Mr. Fogg; you explain English by Greek." - Benjamin Franklin

"Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things." Toby Frogpants

"You can fool too many of the people too much of the time." - James Thurber

"Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead." - Joshua Warner

"How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?" - Beaver Cleaver

"Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?" - James Thurber

"It is a widely accepted notion among painters that it does not matter what one paints as long as it is well painted. This is the essence of academicism. There is no such thing as good painting about nothing."  
 - Mark Rothko

"I fear explanations explanatory of things explained." -- Abraham Lincoln

"I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter." - Clutch Cargo

"I'm so poor I can't even pay attention." - Bozo the Clown

"You're never too old to do goofy stuff." -- Wally Cleaver and/or Idi Amin

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out alive." - Elbert Hubbard

"Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today." -- James Dean

"Go away, I'm alright!" -- Last words of H. G. Wells

"I always knew that I'd look back at my tears and laugh, but I never thought that I'd look back at my laughter and cry." - Rudy Kazootie

"Return from existence to nonexistence. You are seeking the Lord and you belong to him. Nonexistence is a place of income; flee it not. This existence of more and less is a place of expenditure." - Rumi

"In youth we learn; in age we understand." -- Von Ebner-Eschenbach

"Often the test of courage is not to die but to live." -- Vittorio Alfieri

"The essence of all art is to have pleasure in giving pleasure" - Mikhail Baryshnikov

"Truth is stranger than fiction, but that may well be because we have made fiction to suit ourselves."
- G. K. Chesterton

It is either easy or impossible." - Salvador Dali

"When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when the tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity". -George Bernard Shaw -Maxims for Revolutionists(1903)

"Human beings were invented by water as a means of transporting itself from one place to another."
- Tom Robbins

"I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier." - Lina 'Squiggles" Pucinski

"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." Captain Hook

Art is the most passionate orgy within man's grasp." - Jean Dubuffet

"You can't write a chord ugly enough to say what you want sometimes, so you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream." - Frank Zappa

"I looked into their eyes and do you know what I saw? The smell of death. - Cliff Clavin

"Just remember, no matter where you go, there you are." - Buckaroo Banzai

"When I am finishing a picture I hold some God-made object up to it -- a rock, a flower, the branch of a tree or my hand -- as a kind of final test. If the painting stands up beside a thing man cannot make, the painting is authentic. If there's a clash between the two, it is bad art." - Marc Chagall

It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission. - Grace Murray Hopper, Admiral, U.S. Navy

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? " - Salvio Innuzzace

"Does there not pass over man a space of time when his life is a blank?"   - The Koran -sura 76

"Woe on that day to the disbelievers! Begone to that Hell which you deny!   - The Koran -sura 77

"Unless a reviewer has the courage to give you unqualified praise, I say ignore the bastard."
- John Steinbeck

"The reason that adulation is not displeasing is that, though untrue, it shows one to be of consequence enough, in one way or other, to induce people to lie." - Lord Byron

"...ain't no life nowhere..." - Jimi Hendrix

Q: How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two; one to change it and one not to change it.

"Self-luminous, fixed, yet known as moving in the secret cavity of the heart. That is the great support. Herein abides all that moves and breathes and winks." -- Mundaka Upanishad

"Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

"Art is not a mirror held up to reality, but a hammer with which to shape it." - Bertolt Brecht

"A pot put on the back burner for too long may forget how to simmer" - Ancient Chinese Proverb

"Reality I can handle in small doses, but as a lifestyle, I find it a bit too confining."  -Tony Prentiss

"Global Peace can not occur all at once. All of us, every member of the world community, has a moral responsibility to help avert immense suffering…No one can afford to assume that someone else will solve our problems. Every individual has a responsibility to help guide our human family in the right direction. Good wishes are not sufficient. We must assume responsibility. Since periods of great change such as the present one, come so rarely in human history, it is up to each one of us to use our time well to help create a happier, more peaceful world."     - Dalai Lama

"The leaves never know which leaf will be first to fall…Does the wind know?" - Soseri

"The impossible is often the untried." - Jim Goodwin

"Pataphysics is the science of laws that govern exceptions. The so-called ‘laws" of science are not really laws at all but merely exceptions that occur more frequently than others. The Pataphysician rejects all scientific explanation of any kind because everything can just as well be its opposite.  - Alfred Jarry

"Yabba Dabba Dooo!!" - Fred Flintstone

"I can swear there ain't no heaven and I pray there ain't no hell." - David Clayton Thomas

"Why should we live with such hurry and waste of life...When we are unhurried and wise, we perceive that only great and worthy things have any permanent and absolute existence, that petty fears and petty pleasures are but the shadow of the reality."  - Henry David Thoreau

"Your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions." -Joel, II, 28

"Do we really need more romance attached to the act of blowing people away?" -John Leo

Whatever there is of God and goodness in the universe, it must work itself out and express itself through us. We cannot stand aside and let God do it. - Albert Einstein

"One of the great difficulties about being a member of a minority race is that so many kindhearted, well-meaning bores gather around to help." - Langston Hughes

"It is a God-given right of youth to take a hopeful outlook upon the world." -Henry Hopkins

"Money can't buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy." -Spike Milligan

"None but the brave deserves the fair." -Dryden

"I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum."
- Quentin Crisp

"You are quaffing drink from a hundred fountains: whenever any of these hundred yields less, your pleasure is diminished. But when the sublime fountain gushes from within you, no longer need you steal from the other fountains." - Rumi

"To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children, to earn the approbation of honest critics; to appreciate beauty; to give of one's self, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived--that is to have succeeded." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom it touches." - e e cummings

"Don't try to explain it, just sell it." - Colonel Tom Parker

"Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind."- Albert Einstein

"Art is permitted to survive only if it renounces the right to be different, and integrates itself into the omnipotent realm of the profane." - Theodor W. Adorno

"We know too much, and are convinced of too little. Our literature is a substitute for religion, and so is our religion." - T. S. Eliot

"If you must fight, pick only worthy adversaries." - C. W. Barron

"The young man who has not wept is a savage, the old man who will not laugh is a fool." - George Santayana

"Art is the only thing that can go on mattering, once it has stopped hurting." - Elizabeth Bowen

"Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy person has no time to form." -Andre Maurois

"Let my soul smile through my heart and my heart smile through my eyes, that I may scatter rich smiles in sad hearts." - Paramahansa Yogananda

"He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals." - Rollo Fortuna Cookina

"Each nation feels superior to other nations. That breeds patriotism - and wars." - Dale Carnegie

"Discontent is want of self-reliance; it is infirmity of will." - Emerson

"Personally, I experience the greatest degree of pleasure in having contact with works of art. They furnish me with happy feelings of an intensity such as I cannot derive from other realms." - Albert Einstein

"By action and reaction do we become strong or weak, according to the character of our thoughts and mental states. Fear is the deadly nightshade of the mind." - Edward Walker

"The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be preserved only by the most delicate handling. Yet we do not treat ourselves nor one another thus tenderly." - Henry David Thoreau

"Too much of a good thing is wonderful." - Mae West

"Five great enemies to peace inhabit us: avarice, ambition, envy, anger, and pride. If those enemies were to be banished, we should infallibly enjoy perpetual peace."   - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"An artist is completely amoral in that he will rob, beg, borrow, or steal from anybody and everybody to get the work done." - William Faulkner

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." -Mark Twain

"Great art can communicate before it is understood." - T.S. Eliot

"Optimism is a psychological disorder exhibited by those out of touch with reality" - Oliver Pell

"Live together like brothers and do business like strangers" -Arabic proverb

"Fuel is not sold in a forest, nor fish in a lake" - Chinese proverb

"No one has been able to define or synthesize that precarious, splendid, and perhaps untidy instant when the creative process begins. This is what the uniqueness of the artist is all about. The transcendent right of the artist is the right to create even though he may not always know what he is doing." - Norman Cousins

"Life would be easier if you could pick who you loved" - Guglirlmo Franzinacini

"Everything comes with instructions, except human beings..." -Shembo Lialli-Drobena

"Abundance, like want, ruins many." - Romanian Proverb

"Adversity makes a man wise, not rich". Nicolai Sczenckroecescu

"After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box". - Rolbeaza Formicah

"Don't throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water."   - Stib Espanada

"Lomhlaba Unzima, Lohmhlaba. [This world is a harsh place, this world.] - Zulu Proverb

"We are all the faces of God. He said he made us in his image and likeness...and that says to me that God has a lot of faces." - Tyree Guyton

"All of my life I have given you nothing and still you ask for more." - Reembo Lagaga

Long absent, soon forgotten. - Romanian Proverb

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."   - Albert Einstein

"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity."
- Einstein

"What is found in this epic may be elsewhere;
What is not in this epic is nowhere else."
-The Mahabharata, condensed from Sanskrit and translated into English by P. Lal.

"No matter what conditions you encounter in life, your right is only to the works--not to the fruits thereof. You should not be impelled to act for selfish reasons, nor should you be attached to inaction."
- Bhagavad Gita 2.47

"Love is all you need." - Paul McCartney

"Love is a better teacher than duty". - Albert Einstein

"Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other." - Euripides

"Live a balanced life--learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some." - Robert Fulghum

"It's fun to get together and have something good to eat at least once a day. That's what human life is all about - enjoying things." - Julia Child

"Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigour of the mind." - Leonardo da Vinci

"One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself."   - Leonardo da Vinci

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." - Victor Borge

"The significant problems we face cannot be resolved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." - Albert Einstein

"the people who weep before my paintings are having the same religious experience I had when I painted them." - Mark Rothko

"T-T-T-T-T_That's All F-F-F-F-Folks!!" - Porky Pig


At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, andanyone going faster than you is a moron.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.

In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

The status quo sucks.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Think off-center.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."


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